There ARE aspects of my job that are stressful but tonight as I lay on my bed trying to recover from another migraine and thinking through the day I started to realize that I really am so thankful to have the opportunity to have the job that I have right now, in some ways I feel like my job is so easy compared to what I have been doing the previous 4 years, but that makes me sigh such a huge sigh of relief, because God knows that is exactly what I need right now. I need something easy. The challenges I can handle, I can actually handle the 6th grade boys who think I'm not paying attention to what they're doing, I can handle the special needs kids, I can do this. Too often I have thought negative thoughts and felt discouraged and this summer I taught some really good lessons, ok at least one great lesson that I kept thinking about (the video and conversation about racism) and felt like yeah ok I can do this, I'm not a complete failure, I can teach and I do still enjoy this. And tonight I just felt this huge overwhelming emotion and gratitude to God for his sovereignty (sp?) and wisdom, because of where I am right now. I love being able to live with my mom right now and get along with her better than ever, or better than never-can I say that? I have never gotten along with my mom for this long before, ever. But we have both grown up and been changed. Thank you God.
The "only" area where I feel restless right now is the future. And that isn't exactly a small area, I guess, right? I use to want to get married more than anything, now I'm feeling pretty scared of marriage and afraid of being so vulnerable with another person. I still want to be married someday, I want to grow old with someone and share life with them, but I am scared. But I think, guess, hope, that it is a healthy step. I am seeing marriage for the weighty commitment that it is, I am praying now though that God will help me to fight past the fear and help me to communicate but to still turn to Him first.
I know that there are so many people out there who either don't enjoy their jobs and/or don't have the chance right now to do what their heart is calling them to. I'm not even sure if I know what my heart is calling me to do eventually, or where. But I pray that those who are miserable in their work and/or living situations will be renewed and find some silver lining, some piece of Hope to help them keep going.
31 October 2005
27 October 2005
1st week of work...
...is almost done.
I am looking forward to Saturday, and going to church with my mom again on Sunday, just having those two days to kind of catch up. I have been so busy this week and had no energy at night to do much more than eat and watch a little tv and read and go to bed, and try to take a shower.
But I have been enjoying my new job more and more each day. I spend about three hours in the morning with the preschoolers, mostly the kids getting ready to go to kindergarten next year. Then at 12:30 I grab some of my lunch from the kitchen and go over to the after school kids until 5:30, with an hour break thrown in sometime. And so far they are all great, dynamic, individual kids, but I've really enjoyed the kindergartners and 1st graders most. I had a few nice conversations today, including a chat about knitting initiated by a 1st grade girl who asked me if the sweater I was wearing had been knit or crocheted (sp?). When I mentioned that I knew how to crochet but not knit, another girl listening in said Oh let's crochet they have stuff here to do it. We didn't end up doing it but that should be fun to do with a group later.
I'm thinking I might enjoy teaching 1st, 2nd or 3rd grade. But kindergarten might be nice too. Ahh, choices. But do I really have a choice? I still feel like there is a lot about the American education system that I don't know, from the educators side.
Countdown to take-off: about 2 weeks and 4 days?
I am looking forward to Saturday, and going to church with my mom again on Sunday, just having those two days to kind of catch up. I have been so busy this week and had no energy at night to do much more than eat and watch a little tv and read and go to bed, and try to take a shower.
But I have been enjoying my new job more and more each day. I spend about three hours in the morning with the preschoolers, mostly the kids getting ready to go to kindergarten next year. Then at 12:30 I grab some of my lunch from the kitchen and go over to the after school kids until 5:30, with an hour break thrown in sometime. And so far they are all great, dynamic, individual kids, but I've really enjoyed the kindergartners and 1st graders most. I had a few nice conversations today, including a chat about knitting initiated by a 1st grade girl who asked me if the sweater I was wearing had been knit or crocheted (sp?). When I mentioned that I knew how to crochet but not knit, another girl listening in said Oh let's crochet they have stuff here to do it. We didn't end up doing it but that should be fun to do with a group later.
I'm thinking I might enjoy teaching 1st, 2nd or 3rd grade. But kindergarten might be nice too. Ahh, choices. But do I really have a choice? I still feel like there is a lot about the American education system that I don't know, from the educators side.
Countdown to take-off: about 2 weeks and 4 days?
23 October 2005
Job, part 5- Beginnings, part 1
*So I have a job! Good news but it was a little uncertain for a bit, or at least I FELT it was uncertain, and I felt really bad calling the bookstore to tell them I was taking another job.
*I am at my old workplace that I worked at from summer '99 to summer '01, but in a different position, I am helping out in the preschool in the morning and in the afternoon I will be working with the afterschool kids (K-6th grade) which I am most excited about. I got to sit with three of the kindergarteners a few days ago while they ate their lunch (I was just stopping by to fill out some paperwork) and I was asking them about school and life and I really enjoyed that.
I start tomorrow and I am feeling a little nervous or anxious or both.
In Czech nervous means kinda mentally unstable, I was thinking about this today for some reason, but in English it means more afraid. So I guess I'm partly afraid about the day and what will happen and what could go wrong.
I'm so tired of life being difficult, I know it can't really be otherwise yet, but part of me really just wants to bask in comfort while the other part of me really does want to grow and that can only happen amidst difficulties.
*I am at my old workplace that I worked at from summer '99 to summer '01, but in a different position, I am helping out in the preschool in the morning and in the afternoon I will be working with the afterschool kids (K-6th grade) which I am most excited about. I got to sit with three of the kindergarteners a few days ago while they ate their lunch (I was just stopping by to fill out some paperwork) and I was asking them about school and life and I really enjoyed that.
I start tomorrow and I am feeling a little nervous or anxious or both.
In Czech nervous means kinda mentally unstable, I was thinking about this today for some reason, but in English it means more afraid. So I guess I'm partly afraid about the day and what will happen and what could go wrong.
I'm so tired of life being difficult, I know it can't really be otherwise yet, but part of me really just wants to bask in comfort while the other part of me really does want to grow and that can only happen amidst difficulties.
15 October 2005
Job, part 4- job offer #1
Interview results
The manager called my home and left a message two hours after the interview. I called her this morning and she offered me a job, BUT she offered me a position with more responsibilty and 40 hours a week so I would have full benefits, including dental and optical after 3 months. But the pay still isn't that great compared to what I could make at my old job.
I was really surprised and caught off gaurd. I was expecting to have to tell her that I couldn't take the job if it was so few hours. I told her I would have to think about it and would call on Monday.
It's such an ego booster to be wanted, she also said that they normally wouldn't start someone off in this position. Normally someone would start at a lower level position and would be promoted to this position.
Man oh man.
Patience pays off. A freaking month and a half with nothing.
This year is seriously all about patience!
It SUCKS a lot, but I think it is kind of getting easier to be patient and trust God. Stretch that muscle enough and you'll be more limber.
The manager called my home and left a message two hours after the interview. I called her this morning and she offered me a job, BUT she offered me a position with more responsibilty and 40 hours a week so I would have full benefits, including dental and optical after 3 months. But the pay still isn't that great compared to what I could make at my old job.
I was really surprised and caught off gaurd. I was expecting to have to tell her that I couldn't take the job if it was so few hours. I told her I would have to think about it and would call on Monday.
It's such an ego booster to be wanted, she also said that they normally wouldn't start someone off in this position. Normally someone would start at a lower level position and would be promoted to this position.
Man oh man.
Patience pays off. A freaking month and a half with nothing.
This year is seriously all about patience!
It SUCKS a lot, but I think it is kind of getting easier to be patient and trust God. Stretch that muscle enough and you'll be more limber.
14 October 2005
Jobs, part 3
Bookstore job interview
It went well but it seemed like the manager was trying to talk me into working there, trying to make the job sound good, instead of asking me questions about my qualifications and skills. I was surprised and felt confident that they want me but the pay she offered wasn't very good and it wasn't full time, she asked if that would be a problem and I said yes possibly.
I feel nervous about working retail again-y'know, angry customers, crazy hours, even though working at a bookstore is what I wanted. The benefits seem good but the pay isn't.
I would love to work at the old job and make more money, have fun with kids and work less than 40 hours. At this point I would prefer the old job.
It went well but it seemed like the manager was trying to talk me into working there, trying to make the job sound good, instead of asking me questions about my qualifications and skills. I was surprised and felt confident that they want me but the pay she offered wasn't very good and it wasn't full time, she asked if that would be a problem and I said yes possibly.
I feel nervous about working retail again-y'know, angry customers, crazy hours, even though working at a bookstore is what I wanted. The benefits seem good but the pay isn't.
I would love to work at the old job and make more money, have fun with kids and work less than 40 hours. At this point I would prefer the old job.
13 October 2005
Jobs, part...2?
So I have not had a job for a month and a half. And now all of a sudden in the last two days I have two likely possibilities.
Unfortunately only possibilities. But I still need to choose between the two just so I know what I would prefer to do in case I have to choose in a couple of days.
Wednesday morning I had a meeting at my first choice, an old job, to talk about what hours and position they could offer me and to for the new supervisor to get to know me, and the result was "we need to think about this but we would be glad to have you back with us."
Wedneday night I got home from being downtown to hear a phone message from one of the book places I applied to. I called them back this morning and I am going in tomorrow for a real interview and I am up late and I'm nervous.
Old Job-preschool/afterschool care:
Pro:
#1! Good money, probably four or five more dollars an hour than the second choice
#2! possibly good hours, 32 a week
#3! work with people I already know
#4! work with the age group I want to work with in the future, although in a different capacity
plus...
same schedule every week except during school holidays I will work 40 hours a week
I think I know what to expect based on past experience
Christian environment
hopefully low stress (after the first week or two)
work outside a lot
located close to my home, easy to get there
Con:
#1 no dental and optical insurance
plus...
no merchandise discounts
no merchandise anyway
wouldn't be meeting as many new people as at the second choice
New job-bookstore:
Pro:
#1! 30% discount on books
#2! Full insurance, including dental and optical
plus...
work downtown
meet lots of different types of people
25-32 hours a week, ...gives me free time to continue cleaning out my storage closets, uh and have fun
Con:
#1! low wages
#2! possibly work odd hours, could work late at night
#3! schedule will likely change week to week
#4! would want to spend most of my paycheck to enjoy the book discount
plus...
transportation might be an issue
I guess I would rather do my old job in this new position
but have the bookstore as a backup.
I know God knows what will happen, and that's a huge comfort.
Unfortunately only possibilities. But I still need to choose between the two just so I know what I would prefer to do in case I have to choose in a couple of days.
Wednesday morning I had a meeting at my first choice, an old job, to talk about what hours and position they could offer me and to for the new supervisor to get to know me, and the result was "we need to think about this but we would be glad to have you back with us."
Wedneday night I got home from being downtown to hear a phone message from one of the book places I applied to. I called them back this morning and I am going in tomorrow for a real interview and I am up late and I'm nervous.
Old Job-preschool/afterschool care:
Pro:
#1! Good money, probably four or five more dollars an hour than the second choice
#2! possibly good hours, 32 a week
#3! work with people I already know
#4! work with the age group I want to work with in the future, although in a different capacity
plus...
same schedule every week except during school holidays I will work 40 hours a week
I think I know what to expect based on past experience
Christian environment
hopefully low stress (after the first week or two)
work outside a lot
located close to my home, easy to get there
Con:
#1 no dental and optical insurance
plus...
no merchandise discounts
no merchandise anyway
wouldn't be meeting as many new people as at the second choice
New job-bookstore:
Pro:
#1! 30% discount on books
#2! Full insurance, including dental and optical
plus...
work downtown
meet lots of different types of people
25-32 hours a week, ...gives me free time to continue cleaning out my storage closets, uh and have fun
Con:
#1! low wages
#2! possibly work odd hours, could work late at night
#3! schedule will likely change week to week
#4! would want to spend most of my paycheck to enjoy the book discount
plus...
transportation might be an issue
I guess I would rather do my old job in this new position
but have the bookstore as a backup.
I know God knows what will happen, and that's a huge comfort.
I "Believe" in...
Good Food
Eating Dessert
Learning to cook what you enjoy eating
Not living where you want to vacation
FREE Stuff
comfortable shoes
Beach walks
living near a body of water
reading daily
enjoying life but not selfishly
always learning
challenging yourself
trusting God
I also believe that...
the perfect purse does not exist
it doesn't matter if men or women are smarter
We need other people
comfortable is not the "best" state of existence
water is therapeutic
it's difficult to not be selfish
it's easier to say trust than to do it
everything is easier said than done. oh man.
I don't really know anything even though I think I do, or act like it
Good Food
Eating Dessert
Learning to cook what you enjoy eating
Not living where you want to vacation
FREE Stuff
comfortable shoes
Beach walks
living near a body of water
reading daily
enjoying life but not selfishly
always learning
challenging yourself
trusting God
I also believe that...
the perfect purse does not exist
it doesn't matter if men or women are smarter
We need other people
comfortable is not the "best" state of existence
water is therapeutic
it's difficult to not be selfish
it's easier to say trust than to do it
everything is easier said than done. oh man.
I don't really know anything even though I think I do, or act like it
12 October 2005
Advice that makes you go, "What?!"
Gary Busey's advice on why the man should pay for dinner:
"paying for dinner is included in the dinner, it's respect, it's a ritual, if you want the woman to pay you should go work at a slaughterhouse restaraunt and date some of those pig monkeys."
"paying for dinner is included in the dinner, it's respect, it's a ritual, if you want the woman to pay you should go work at a slaughterhouse restaraunt and date some of those pig monkeys."
01 October 2005
what stays in Vegas
... What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
There are these commercials with two ladies introducing themselves to a series of men and their names keep changing to different TV characters. For example: Betty, Wilma, Lisa, Maggie, etc. and where are they from? Mayberry.
My mom and I have fun together and can really make eachother laugh. Most times when I'm trying to be funny I'm really just trying to make myself laugh. Growing up, the only other person who thought I was funny was my mom and it's only been in the last few years that I have been pleasantly surprised to find other people laughing with me, not just... well anyway.
So after seeing the Vegas commercial my mom and I had a conversation about what our names should be, and we concluded our introductions should be something like this:
Me: Hi I'm baked
Mom: and I'm Potato, we're from Idaho.
Ok, maybe not. But I think it would be great to do that just to see some guys' reactions.
There are these commercials with two ladies introducing themselves to a series of men and their names keep changing to different TV characters. For example: Betty, Wilma, Lisa, Maggie, etc. and where are they from? Mayberry.
My mom and I have fun together and can really make eachother laugh. Most times when I'm trying to be funny I'm really just trying to make myself laugh. Growing up, the only other person who thought I was funny was my mom and it's only been in the last few years that I have been pleasantly surprised to find other people laughing with me, not just... well anyway.
So after seeing the Vegas commercial my mom and I had a conversation about what our names should be, and we concluded our introductions should be something like this:
Me: Hi I'm baked
Mom: and I'm Potato, we're from Idaho.
Ok, maybe not. But I think it would be great to do that just to see some guys' reactions.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
