Most of the time you just can't learn lessons unless you're in a specific state of mind to be receptive and receive the blessing God wants to give you.
You hear something or read something that you have heard hundreds of times before and suddenly you hear it again and BOOM! lightning strikes and your frame of mind changes.
I'm reading Blue like Jazz and I'm having that kind of experience, and it's been nice because I don't think I've had my paradigm shifted in awhile. It's not just the book, the book is one aspect of maybe about three or four that have accumulated to help me see myself through God's eyes for moments at a time and at other moments see how I could adjust and heal some old wounds in order to help me be a better friend and easier to live with.
I wish I could always be in that place but meanwhile I trust God (or try to trust Him) and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
31 August 2008
13 July 2008
GOD is GOOD
I've just been feeling thankful lately and being reminded that GOD IS GOOD! And God is faithful.
My last year living overseas (2004-2005) was a particularly difficult year because I had basically decided to go back for another year although I had felt very clearly before that that was NOT what I was supposed to do. But instead of making the situation worse than it already was and leaving when life was lonely and difficult I stuck to the commitment I'd made and stayed until the end of the school year.
So I didn't exactly have it easy, and then there were some pretty big stresses at my work back in the States, I was working with kids which was fun mostly but when I had a repeated change in bosses (4 different people in less than 6 months) I had a few words with God. I was like God I need a break from lessons and hardships, I can't absorb anything more. I know you have lots more lessons to teach me, but I can't handle that right now, please give me a bit of a break.
So now it's been about a year, maybe two, that I prayed that and I'm finally ready to again go on that archaeological dig I call me. I mean I'm ready to dig down and ask for help in becoming more of who I'm supposed to be, I'm ready to learn some more of God's lessons.
So lately my focus has been on some F-words. Three F-words in fact, here they are:
Friendly
Faithful
Flexible
I want to be more of these. I want to be more friendly (I feel like I need God to help me be less judgmental and less introverted for this to happen, as well as my own foot-work in this).
I want to be more faithful. I am ye of little faith. I sometimes don't trust God in the little things and I don't trust God that I'll have good things. Sometimes I'm just not as trusting as I'd like to be.
And I'd like to be more flexible, this will help me not get into stupid little arguments and help me to avoid feeling annoyed at things that aren't worth the trouble.
Anyway here's a song I like, the song I was trying to remember a few posts back.
Faithful
Ben and Robin Pasley
I want to sing you a love song, you are the thief of my heart
Rhythm and rhyme try to describe it
no matter how hard I try...I can’t hide it
Faithful, you are faithful
I have found nothing but good in your heart
Loving, you are loving
(because of copyright laws this is not the full song)
My last year living overseas (2004-2005) was a particularly difficult year because I had basically decided to go back for another year although I had felt very clearly before that that was NOT what I was supposed to do. But instead of making the situation worse than it already was and leaving when life was lonely and difficult I stuck to the commitment I'd made and stayed until the end of the school year.
So I didn't exactly have it easy, and then there were some pretty big stresses at my work back in the States, I was working with kids which was fun mostly but when I had a repeated change in bosses (4 different people in less than 6 months) I had a few words with God. I was like God I need a break from lessons and hardships, I can't absorb anything more. I know you have lots more lessons to teach me, but I can't handle that right now, please give me a bit of a break.
So now it's been about a year, maybe two, that I prayed that and I'm finally ready to again go on that archaeological dig I call me. I mean I'm ready to dig down and ask for help in becoming more of who I'm supposed to be, I'm ready to learn some more of God's lessons.
So lately my focus has been on some F-words. Three F-words in fact, here they are:
Friendly
Faithful
Flexible
I want to be more of these. I want to be more friendly (I feel like I need God to help me be less judgmental and less introverted for this to happen, as well as my own foot-work in this).
I want to be more faithful. I am ye of little faith. I sometimes don't trust God in the little things and I don't trust God that I'll have good things. Sometimes I'm just not as trusting as I'd like to be.
And I'd like to be more flexible, this will help me not get into stupid little arguments and help me to avoid feeling annoyed at things that aren't worth the trouble.
Anyway here's a song I like, the song I was trying to remember a few posts back.
Faithful
Ben and Robin Pasley
I want to sing you a love song, you are the thief of my heart
Rhythm and rhyme try to describe it
no matter how hard I try...I can’t hide it
Faithful, you are faithful
I have found nothing but good in your heart
Loving, you are loving
(because of copyright laws this is not the full song)
06 July 2008
My parents live in California
A friend just asked me on facebook if my parents are affected by the fires in California. This was my response:
Actually yes they are affected, just this last week a fire they're calling THE GAP FIRE has started and moving fast. It's very very smokey and lots of ash in the air. Thankfully both of their houses aren't threatened so far. But a good family friend is and the husband is still at their house and the wife went to the store or something and they won't let her back in the neighborhood so she's been staying in my mom's guest bedroom the last couple days.
Thanks for asking, my mom is definitely worried, more for the people that are losing their houses, but it's definitely hectic down there (elctricity going out a lot, long lines at gas stations and stores where people are picking up water and other emergency stuff in case they have to evacuate).
Prayer is good.
Actually yes they are affected, just this last week a fire they're calling THE GAP FIRE has started and moving fast. It's very very smokey and lots of ash in the air. Thankfully both of their houses aren't threatened so far. But a good family friend is and the husband is still at their house and the wife went to the store or something and they won't let her back in the neighborhood so she's been staying in my mom's guest bedroom the last couple days.
Thanks for asking, my mom is definitely worried, more for the people that are losing their houses, but it's definitely hectic down there (elctricity going out a lot, long lines at gas stations and stores where people are picking up water and other emergency stuff in case they have to evacuate).
Prayer is good.
28 May 2008
Song I can't recall
I need new worship music and I love the song that was first introduced to me at a leadership retreat in the Czech Republic, Ryan Curnutt was leading worship and I think the song is called Beautiful or Lovely?
and part of it goes something like
lovely
you are lovely
there's nothing...
(this is all a loudish part)
and part of it goes something like
lovely
you are lovely
there's nothing...
(this is all a loudish part)
08 April 2008
Status History
My last few facebook status updates (I just noticed that they have a feature where they list the last few):
Priya is wondering if she looks Swiss since that guy on the streetcar asked in German if she was Swiss.
Priya is sleeping, then to Aerobic boot camp!
Priya is doing homework and watching tv, ugh, bad habits.
Priya should be reading Special Education Law.
Then it looks like it lists a bunch of status updates that are supposedly ones I've frequently used, like at school/at work/is sleeping...
Priya is wondering if she looks Swiss since that guy on the streetcar asked in German if she was Swiss.
Priya is sleeping, then to Aerobic boot camp!
Priya is doing homework and watching tv, ugh, bad habits.
Priya should be reading Special Education Law.
Then it looks like it lists a bunch of status updates that are supposedly ones I've frequently used, like at school/at work/is sleeping...
06 April 2008
31 March 2008
Status
I should update my blog as often as I update my facebook status. It may only be a one sentence update, but the status can be either amusing or very telling of the current emotions or situation.
I started my Spring Quarter and I had my infant development class (I'm very excited for this class, although it is psychology - last term I had a psychology class that reminded me how blind psychologists can be to certain information because they have their theory, or because they are so transfixed on studies which can't really recreate real life situations). Well one developmental stage we started looking at today is from Erikson who was a student or colleague of Freud (and thank goodness my professor said she thinks he was a kook on most matters), and this stage is about Autonomy vs. ... something like achievement or feeling good about what you do. So you want to be independent and do things on your own but then you don't feel capable and feel bad about what you've tried to do.
So this resonanted with me because just on Monday I was substituting as an assistant to a student with special needs (she was in second grade and needed help getting in and out of her wheelchair - so I had to lift and carry her) and in case she had a seizure I was supposed to call someone. Ok I was so scared in the first five minutes of getting to the school and finding out about this student and what was required of me. Scared and incapable and very unqualified. As the day went on and the more I had to lift her, the more I felt bad about myself. It seems silly now, like I shouldn't have felt bad because it was my first day and my lack of muscle is not a reflection of my value, or whatever. But I felt bad and incapable, and it soured my whole day, I also had my first class of the new quarter that evening and I was so tired and grumpy (cuz I was feeling bad) and headachy.
I started my Spring Quarter and I had my infant development class (I'm very excited for this class, although it is psychology - last term I had a psychology class that reminded me how blind psychologists can be to certain information because they have their theory, or because they are so transfixed on studies which can't really recreate real life situations). Well one developmental stage we started looking at today is from Erikson who was a student or colleague of Freud (and thank goodness my professor said she thinks he was a kook on most matters), and this stage is about Autonomy vs. ... something like achievement or feeling good about what you do. So you want to be independent and do things on your own but then you don't feel capable and feel bad about what you've tried to do.
So this resonanted with me because just on Monday I was substituting as an assistant to a student with special needs (she was in second grade and needed help getting in and out of her wheelchair - so I had to lift and carry her) and in case she had a seizure I was supposed to call someone. Ok I was so scared in the first five minutes of getting to the school and finding out about this student and what was required of me. Scared and incapable and very unqualified. As the day went on and the more I had to lift her, the more I felt bad about myself. It seems silly now, like I shouldn't have felt bad because it was my first day and my lack of muscle is not a reflection of my value, or whatever. But I felt bad and incapable, and it soured my whole day, I also had my first class of the new quarter that evening and I was so tired and grumpy (cuz I was feeling bad) and headachy.
11 March 2008
March
Time marches on in March...
I picked up my apartment keys this morning and went and had a peek at it being all empty (the last and only time I saw it, it was still full of the previous tenants stuff and nick knacks.
Thought:
It seems big without any stuff in it.
I picked up free Wi-Fi on my laptop.
I move in partially tomorrow after I take a final. Yeah so Finals are here. Officially finals are next week but I have two this week, which is fine with me I guess. If I don't know the material this week I won't know it by next week I guess.
Next Tuesday I fly to my hometown and will get to visit people: grown ups and kids that I love!
Then Saturday I will begin the 15 hour, two day drive with my parents in a Uhaul truck and most of my belongings. I'm hoping I won't go insane. I'm sure we'll be safe but I don't want to argue with my dad, but he can be so illogical and unreasonable. I'm afraid. Please pray.
I picked up my apartment keys this morning and went and had a peek at it being all empty (the last and only time I saw it, it was still full of the previous tenants stuff and nick knacks.
Thought:
It seems big without any stuff in it.
I picked up free Wi-Fi on my laptop.
I move in partially tomorrow after I take a final. Yeah so Finals are here. Officially finals are next week but I have two this week, which is fine with me I guess. If I don't know the material this week I won't know it by next week I guess.
Next Tuesday I fly to my hometown and will get to visit people: grown ups and kids that I love!
Then Saturday I will begin the 15 hour, two day drive with my parents in a Uhaul truck and most of my belongings. I'm hoping I won't go insane. I'm sure we'll be safe but I don't want to argue with my dad, but he can be so illogical and unreasonable. I'm afraid. Please pray.
16 February 2008
WeeksGoBy
I have taken:
one Psychology (human development) exam, and
one Math (for elementary teachers) exam.
I have turned in:
three papers for Math,
one paper for Special Education (survey of Special Ed. students),
And completed one presentation for Special Ed.
On Tuesday I have another Psych exam (my last psych exam before finals).
On Wednesday I have another paper due for Special Ed.
I have become a little friendly with some other students, mostly from my math class since we work in groups and it's more natural to have conversation with strangers in that context.
I have found a church, without church shopping, that I really like and feel as comfortable as I can with people I'm still getting to know.
I have found an apartment, had a credit check and paid a deposit. (THAT was a stressful and busy week of running around and filling out papers and only spending money related to trying to get the apartment).
I love the weather, have seen the sun at times, but aparently haven't missed it as much as other people.
I like the drizzle that apparently does not fall every day as I previously thought.
I visited Seattle and saw two lovely women I haven't seen since we hugged goodbye on the train platform in Ostrava. That was almost surreal, but wonderful and comfortable, it was nice to see and be seen when NOT at my completely absolute worst.
I'm excited to be moving downtown on March 12th (a Wednesday, yeah go figure).
I'm excited to visit Santa Barbara after finals in March.
I'm excited to show my parents Portlland the end of March.
I'm excited to register for next quarter's classes in about 10 days.
I like school but I'm getting excited to actually get out there and start working in this field, but that's still about a year away...
one Psychology (human development) exam, and
one Math (for elementary teachers) exam.
I have turned in:
three papers for Math,
one paper for Special Education (survey of Special Ed. students),
And completed one presentation for Special Ed.
On Tuesday I have another Psych exam (my last psych exam before finals).
On Wednesday I have another paper due for Special Ed.
I have become a little friendly with some other students, mostly from my math class since we work in groups and it's more natural to have conversation with strangers in that context.
I have found a church, without church shopping, that I really like and feel as comfortable as I can with people I'm still getting to know.
I have found an apartment, had a credit check and paid a deposit. (THAT was a stressful and busy week of running around and filling out papers and only spending money related to trying to get the apartment).
I love the weather, have seen the sun at times, but aparently haven't missed it as much as other people.
I like the drizzle that apparently does not fall every day as I previously thought.
I visited Seattle and saw two lovely women I haven't seen since we hugged goodbye on the train platform in Ostrava. That was almost surreal, but wonderful and comfortable, it was nice to see and be seen when NOT at my completely absolute worst.
I'm excited to be moving downtown on March 12th (a Wednesday, yeah go figure).
I'm excited to visit Santa Barbara after finals in March.
I'm excited to show my parents Portlland the end of March.
I'm excited to register for next quarter's classes in about 10 days.
I like school but I'm getting excited to actually get out there and start working in this field, but that's still about a year away...
11 January 2008
firstweekofclasses
My first week of classes is done. I love it!
I'm super busy with reading and making vocab flash cards. I don't have much spare time. I'm only taking 12 units, I don't know if I'm gonna have time to even look for a job, much less have a (part-time) job!
I'm still adjusting though, I've only been living in Oregon for two weeks.
I like the rain, I like the commute into the city, I like all my classes and professors, I like taking a step aerobics class even though I'm so at of shape right now, I like living with other christian ladies even though it's just temporary.
God is good!
I'm super busy with reading and making vocab flash cards. I don't have much spare time. I'm only taking 12 units, I don't know if I'm gonna have time to even look for a job, much less have a (part-time) job!
I'm still adjusting though, I've only been living in Oregon for two weeks.
I like the rain, I like the commute into the city, I like all my classes and professors, I like taking a step aerobics class even though I'm so at of shape right now, I like living with other christian ladies even though it's just temporary.
God is good!
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